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17 February 2013 @ 06:36 pm
E, F, G prompts  
Title: E, F, G prompts
Series: 1_million_words prompts
Rating: R-ish
Characters: Steve/Danny, Grace, assorted others
Summary: kaige68 posted a list of prompts for 1_million_words.
Words: exactly 500 each
Warnings/Notes: None. Silliness. Some misuse of language for the greater good.

Original prompts: Elephants, Euphemisms, Extra Cheese
fioninxs left additional prompts on AO3: Elvis, easter eggs and ergonomic chairs
They're all in there!
“You’re telling me there are elephants running wild on Hickman Air Force Base? This is what you are telling me?” Danny asked as he looked up at Steve who was standing on the opposite of his desk. “Elephants.”

“Yes, Danno. Elephants.”

“This isn’t a euphemism for some super triple top secret SEAL secret, right?” Danny demanded.

“Secret SEAL secret?” Steve laughed.

“Don’t even start with me,” Danny warned. “You come in here and tell me there are elephants running wild on the base and we have to go help corral them. Then you make fun of me for requesting clarification.”

“Not clarification so much as elucidation,” Steve told him, still laughing.

“I hate you so much. You are never having sex again.”

“Yes I am. Maybe not with you but I will have it again,” Steve replied as he left Danny’s office.

“Oh no. No you are not. You are not having sex with anyone who isn’t me,” Danny warned, following him into the main office.

“Stop discussing your love life,” Chin requested, getting an elbow in the ribs from Kono.

“Shhh… I want details,” Kono said, far too happily.

“That is wrong in every way,” Danny told her.

“Stop bitching about it, Danno. Come help us and I’ll buy you a pizza. Extra cheese,” Steve promised.

“And beer. Extra beer?” Danny bargained.

“Of course. I’ll even take you to your favorite haole pizza place. Since it’s Thursday, the Elvis impersonator will be performing. I know how much you enjoy his rendition of Blue Hawaii.”

“He’s got some skills,” Danny agreed, frowning when the cousins laughed at him. “You just don’t appreciate good singing.”

“We do. But that doesn’t qualify,” Kono informed him.

“Hrmph,” Danny said.

“Smooth,” Steve said. “Do you have the Easter eggs?”

“They’re almost done,” Chin said.

“Easter eggs? Is that a euphemism?” Danny demanded.

“No, Danno. The elephants like brightly colored eggs. We use them as bait,” Steve explained patiently.

“Oh. My. God. Have I fallen into another dimension?” Danny asked with an overly dramatic swoon into one of their ergonomic chairs. “First there are alien bunnies who speak in alliterations. Now you’re telling me we have to use Easter eggs as bait for elephants run amuck. On an Air Force base.”

“We have to catch them,” Chin explained. “Otherwise they will wander onto the runways and can be killed by the fighter planes.”

“My money is on the fighter planes,” Danny said, looking up at Chin.

“Not when the elephants are only the size of Mr. Hoppy,” Kono said, her laugh dimpling her cheeks.

“So not standard size elephants then,” Danny said.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Steve said as he returned from the break room with two dozen garishly colored eggs. “Why would there be standard size elephants on an Air Force base?”

“You’re kidding me with this, right?” Danny asked. “Right? Please. Tell me you’re kidding.”

“Nope,” Steve said, knowing Danny would follow as he went outside to enter the Camaro to go to Hickman.


Fountains, Facetiousness, French Canadians

“My life was so much simpler before I met you,” Danny said as they left Hickman. “I swear to God. You are going to be the death of me yet.”

“Maybe,” Steve said with a goofy grin. “But you can be sure you’ll enjoy it.”

“No. No I will not. I just spent three hours trying to herd bunny-sized elephants into their crates. I have been subjected to fountains of water from their tiny trunks, piles of jelly bean sized elephant poop, and endless insults from those French Canadians who are to blame for the elephants being let loose in the first place. How am I enjoying any of this?”

Steve just continued to smile at him.

“Stop. Stop with the goofy smiling. You are as wet as I am.”

“Yes, but I’m not nearly so wrapped up in personal fastidiousness,” Steve told him.

“Fastidiousness. Fastidiousness,” Danny said, tasting the word and not finding it to his liking.

“Stop repeating it. You know it’s true. I don’t care that the elephants got us wet or that we inadvertently stepped in their tiny poop. Whatever,” Steve said with a casual wave of his hand.

“I know you do not care, Steven. You have been known to sleep buried up to your very fine eyelashes in poop. But not all of us have been so lucky,” Danny reminded him.

“It’s not like I enjoyed it, Danno,” Steve said. “I had to hide from their sniffer jaguars.”

“Sniffer jaguars,” Danny said. “You are something special, babe.”

“Thanks,” Steve said, turning down Piikoi Street.

“Wait. Where are we going? You promised me pizza, beer, and Elvis.”

“We’re just going to stop home first so you can change. In accordance with your personal fastidiousness. Which I have a hard time treating without my natural inclination to facetiousness every time I think about it.”

“Remember when you said we had to go chase the elephants? And I said you were never having sex again? That goes double, triple now,” Danny warned.

“But I’m going to shower with you. Wash your hair for you. Surely that will win me extra boyfriend points,” Steve said, pulling into the driveway.

“There are not enough boyfriend points in this or any other universe to make up for all the crap I’ve had to put up with since I met you,” Danny claimed as he opened the front door. He got no further than to the other side of the door when Steve was on him like the dye on the Easter eggs.

“Let’s see how many boyfriend points I can earn,” Steve said, pulling Danny’s damp shirt off over his head before attacking the fastenings on his pants. Once they were around Danny’s sturdy thighs, Steve sunk to his knees, looking up at Danny through his eyelashes. “Want to reconsider that ‘no sex’ edict you issued earlier?”

“Maybe. Show me what you got, Sailor. I’ll take it under advisement,” Danny said to Steve’s laughs.

“Aye aye, sir,” Steve agreed happily.


Gingham, Garrulous, Gawkers

“What are they gawking at?” Danny demanded. He and Steve had been roped into attending the annual Nuuanu Mardi Gras Street Festival. Steve had tried everything to talk the Governor out of the sort-of security assignment but Denning was firm in his resolve that Five-0 needed more community exposure. Steve disagreed but could only take his arguments so far before he had been forced to concede.

“Your gingham shirt?” Steve suggested as they wandered through the festival on the look-out for illegal activities.

“Is it my fault that Grace’s first ever sewing project was a shirt for her favorite person?” Danny asked.

“No. But yellow gingham?” Steve asked. It was barely holding together, Grace’s enthusiasm far exceeding her skill.

“I know,” Danny sighed. “It could be worse.”

“I can’t imagine how,” Steve said as they threaded their way through the revelers.

“Well, considering how garish some of these costumes are, I hardly stand out,” Danny said.

“You do. But for the entirely wrong reasons.”

“What did you expect me to do? Tell Grace no?”

“Of course not,” Steve conceded, accepting even more Mardi Gras beads from bikini-clad, giggling women. Half he gave to Danny, half he looped over his own neck. “But you can’t blame the gawkers for staring at you.”

“Yes, yes I can,” Danny said, stopping with Steve when they encountered Honolulu Mayor Kirk Caldwell, grand marshal of the parade. He was wearing a fairly subdued shirt of dark blue and white, a shirt much like one Chin might wear on a regular work day. He was festooned with a couple dozen strings of beads, still shy of the ones collected by Steve and Danny.

“Mayor,” Steve said, shaking his hand.

“Mr. Caldwell,” Danny said, also shaking his hand.

“Thanks for coming,” the mayor said to them.

“It’s our pleasure,” Steve said. “Five-0 wants to support as many of these neighborhood activities as possible.”

“Good,” Mr. Caldwell said.

“This is quite a gathering,” Danny said, looking again at the revelers, drinking, dancing, chatting. “Everyone is certainly having a great time.”

“Yes,” Mr. Caldwell agreed.

“We were just on our way to get some of Kamekona’s shrimp. Would you like us to bring you some?” Danny offered, pointing toward the truck half a block down the way.

“No thank you,” the mayor said.

“All right,” Danny said, easing away. “I’m going to go ahead and order, Steve. I’ll meet you there.”

Steve nodded before saying good bye to the mayor and following Danny to the truck.

“Is he always so garrulous or do we bring out the talkative side of him?” Danny asked from where he was leaning against the side of Kamekona’s truck.

“Thank you for leaving me with him,” Steve said unhappily, giving Danny another dozen beads.

“I thought you two might have a lot to not talk about,” Danny said, turning to order.

“You’ll pay for leaving me with him,” Steve whispered into his ear.

“I can’t wait,” Danny said with a grin over his shoulder.

kaige68: Rhinokaige68 on February 18th, 2013 12:11 am (UTC)
Are 6 dogs too many?tkeylasunset on February 20th, 2013 01:27 am (UTC)
You are too kind!!!

ThatWasJustaDream: sdcargumentthtwzjustadream on February 18th, 2013 12:47 am (UTC)
Bunny sized elephants would be the BEST pets ever. I'd have a couple. Loved this line: “Why would there be standard size elephants on an Air Force base?”

Edited at 2013-02-18 12:48 am (UTC)
Are 6 dogs too many?tkeylasunset on February 20th, 2013 01:28 am (UTC)
I'd love a bunny sized elephant too!!

Thanks for the lovely comment!

a geek in such the wrong way: H50-steve-don't laughhaldoor on February 18th, 2013 08:12 am (UTC)
HA! You really are doing well with these prompts, my dear. Many, many laughs over here! Steve on his knees may just have been my favourite bit Keep up the good work!

Not sure if you realise it's Hickam, rather than Hickman?

Edited at 2013-02-18 08:13 am (UTC)
Are 6 dogs too many?tkeylasunset on February 20th, 2013 01:30 am (UTC)
Sure, Hickam is where the planes land. It's a real place!

Hickman is where you find miniature elephants and alien bunnies!!!

Or I screwed it up the first time and decided to leave it in. :-)

Steve is going to have spend a lot of time on his knees to make up to Danny!!!
honeychild: H50-boys with beerhaldoor_honey on February 20th, 2013 07:38 am (UTC)
HAHAHA! I like your first explanation! Totally works!

Oh good *rubs hands together*