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17 February 2013 @ 08:54 pm
H, I, J Prompts!  
Title: H, I, J prompts
Series: 1_million_words prompts
Rating: R-ish
Characters: Steve/Danny, Grace, assorted others
Summary: kaige68 posted a list of prompts for 1_million_words.
Words: exactly 500 each
Warnings/Notes: None. Silliness. Some misuse of language for the greater good.
Oh Lord - I just edited it to add the formatting back in. I forgot that it gets stripped out. DUH!!! NOW Danny is yelling in italics!

Havarti Cheese, Handwritten, Hospital patients
“Havarti cheese does not belong on pizza,” Danny decided.

“I know,” Steve agreed. “It’s not really even pizza. It’s…I don’t know what it is. A croissant with tomatoes and…what…basil?”

“I guess,” Danny said, looking out of the restaurant window that supposedly had a fine view of the Arc De Triomphe. He could almost make it out through the rain coming down in torrents. “Paris is lovely in July, I’ve heard.”

“I…yeah, I got nothing,” Steve admitted. “But if we find Wo Fat, it will be worth it.”

“I wish I had your confidence,” Danny said, not engaging in the same argument they had had repeatedly before boarding the plane to Paris. Steve had found a mysterious handwritten note in his office, saying Wo Fat was one of the hospital patients at the Val-de-Grâce. Why he would be confined to a French Army hospital was one of the questions they had crossed two oceans to answer. Danny thought the fact that they were there on Bastille Day meant it was a huge joke but Steve would not be convinced.

“I know you think he’s not really here,” Steve said, sipping his lukewarm beer. “And I told you I’d come alone.”

“I wasn’t about to let you come by yourself,” Danny said again. “There’s no telling what kind of trouble you would find. You’d end up declaring war or initiating a coup.”

“I’d do no such thing,” Steve said. “It will be fine. We’ll drive out to the hospital, ask to check their records, then we’ll know.”

“Immunity and means does not extend to Gay Paree,” Danny reminded him.

“We won’t need it. And once we’re done, we’ll go the Louvre and look at famous paintings. You can find a present for Grace and we’ll be ready to fly home,” Steve said.

“No bunny-sized elephants, right? No aliens who talk in  alliterations. You’ve promised me.”

“None,” Steve said. “Although I have heard….”

“No. Absolutely not. You are not to finish that sentence.”

Steve laughed, leaning closer to kiss him. “All right. I’m just glad you didn’t bring your gingham shirt.”

“You know full well it fell apart in the wash. You were there for the unfortunate aftermath.”

“Yeah. It wasn’t pretty,” Steve agreed.

“Did you call your contact in the French Army?”

“He’ll meet us there. How much French do you speak?”

“A little less than the Hawaiian I speak,” Danny said.

“None then,” Steve said.

“Not all of us can be multi-lingual,” Danny reminded him. Steve just shrugged, looking up at the waiter when he came to inquire if they would be needing anything else. Steve ordered coffee and some pastries, mostly to annoy the man who wanted nothing to do with the touristes Américains. “They really do hate us, don’t they?”

“Pretty much. And it is a good thing you don’t speak French,” he said, nodding toward their waiter who was talking quietly to another waiter. They both turned and frowned at Steve and Danny before resuming their quiet chat.


Inception, Italics, Iconoclasts
“I hated this idea since its inception. Before its inception,” Danny told Steve.

“That’s not possible. You can’t hate an idea before it’s thought of,” Steve told him, far too calmly.

“With most people, that is true, Steven. Not with you. I hated this plan. Hated it before you found that stupid note that brought us across the stupid oceans to this stupid place,” Danny ranted. He would have added pacing to his ranting but the jail cell where they were confined was barely big enough for the two of them to sit, much less pace. It was large enough for excessive hand gestures as Danny continued to yell at Steve in italics. Not everyone could hear the italics Danny used but Steve always knew they were there. “I warned you immunity and means did not extend to Paris. But did you listen? Did you? No, you did not. And what happened when you did not listen? What happened? We end up getting arrested. In Paris. France.”

“I know where we are, Danno. Calm down,” Steve requested. “You are the one they are accusing of being an iconoclast. Not me.”

Iconoclasts. I don’t even know what that means,” Danny informed him angrily.

A person who attacks cherished beliefs, traditional institutions. Or a breaker or destroyer of images, especially those set up for religious veneration,” Steve said.

“I know what it means, Mr. Webster. I don’t know what it means. That we were arrested for it,” Danny said.

“I think it has something to do with you trying to knock over the statue of the Virgin Mary in the hospital?” Steve suggested calmly.

“I did no such thing,” Danny retorted. “You were about to be shot. Shot, Steven. For snooping in the hospital records. I had no intentions of harming the Virgin Mary.”

“The statue is 700 years old,” Steve said. “Climbing up on it is enough to destroy it.”

“I did not climb on it,” Danny protested. “I was….trying to get a better view of the soldiers who were about to shoot you. Next time, I’ll just let them.”

“Okay,” Steve said, leaning his head back against the wall and closing his eyes.

Okay? You want me to let them shoot you? Is that what you are saying?”

“I’d prefer it to you yelling at me in italics,” Steve said, opening one eye to watch Danny try to stare holes through him with the force of his unhappiness. “Lieutenant Issac will be here shortly to straighten it out.”

“I do not yell in italics,” Danny claimed.

“Yeah, you do. All the time,” Steve told him. “We found out Wo Fat had been there. I’m sorry we were a day late. But he can’t have gotten very far.”

“We have no idea where he’s gone.”

“We don’t. But Chin and Kono will find him. They may have found him already. If we still had our phones, we’d know.”

“I know,” Danny said, deflating. “I’m sorry.”

“We’ll be out soon,” Steve promised.


Jam, Junkies, Jive talking
“This is quite a jam you’ve gotten yourself into,” Lieutenant Issac said when he finally arrived at the police station. That he was silently laughing at them did nothing for Danny’s temper. But he knew better than to take his anger out on the Frenchman. Yelling would only delay their release that much longer. He put his hands under his thighs, determined to let Steve do all the talking.

“Not the worst place we’ve ended up,” Steve told him. “Did you talk to the administrators of the hospital?”

“I did. They have agreed to drop the charges if you promise never to step foot on their grounds again,” Issac said.

“Of course,” Steve agreed.

“Very well,” Issac said, turning to talk with the local authorities and assure them that the Americans would cause no further trouble.

“Is it really necessary for him to compare us to street junkies?” Danny whispered.

“I thought you didn’t speak French,” Steve said.

“A few words,” Danny shrugged. “I know he’s insulting us. Some friend he is.”

Steve shrugged, smiling at the Lieutenant when he returned accompanied by the policeman who had arrested them. “We won’t cause any further trouble.”

“See that you don’t,” the policeman said as he unlocked the door to escort them out. He returned their personal effects, impatiently waiting for them to leave his office.

Steve and Danny said their goodbyes to Issac, Steve watching him walk down the sidewalk.

“Is he a good lay?” Danny asked Steve when the Lieutenant was out of ear shot.

“What? What are you talking about? I don’t know what that means. What are you saying? Did you have a blow to the head? Did you fall off the statue?”

“Don’t try to distract me,” Danny laughed. “You are terrible at it. What is that supposed to be? Your version of jive talking?”

“It’s ‘distract my boyfriend’ talking,” Steve conceded.

“I don’t care who you had sex with before I met you,” Danny told him.

“How do you know I had sex with him?”

“The look on your face. It’s the way you look at me when you haven’t seen me for a while. Like you are starving and I’m dessert,” Danny said with a laugh.

“And you aren’t mad?” Steve asked, following him down the street toward their hotel.

“Why should I be? I wasn’t a monk before I met you. I know you weren’t either.”

“I figured you’d yell at me in italics,” Steve said.

“Not about that. In fact, I don’t think I’m going to talk to you for the rest of the day.”

“Good thing it’s nearly midnight,” Steve said, looping a long arm around Danny’s waist and pulling him close to kiss his head. “I have better things to do with you than talk.”

“Roger that. Check your phone. See if they found him.”

Steve nodded, pulling it out of his pocket with his free hand. “They think he went to Australia.”

“Okay,” Danny sighed. “Australia it is. Tomorrow.”


kaige68kaige68 on February 18th, 2013 02:38 am (UTC)
I am out of words, and I'm over my allotment of exclamation points for the day.

Seriously hon, you outdo yourself with these. I'm looking forward to each and every letter.

you are amazing!
Are 6 dogs too many?tkeylasunset on February 18th, 2013 02:49 am (UTC)

so much love for you and your encouragement!!!

Thanks a million!!!! Plus one.
a geek in such the wrong way: H50-of course!haldoor on February 18th, 2013 08:25 am (UTC)
HAHA! These are stunning, my dear - you just keep doing it! I love them, and love that you're keeping me smiling throughout! Danny does yell in italics! ;-)
Are 6 dogs too many?tkeylasunset on February 20th, 2013 01:26 am (UTC)
He does yell in italics!!!

thank you BB, for all the lovely comments!!!
amarylissaamaryllisssa on February 18th, 2013 04:09 pm (UTC)
Lovely. I am constantly amazed at what you can do with an evil assortment of prompts!
Are 6 dogs too many?tkeylasunset on February 20th, 2013 01:27 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! Some of the prompts are evilly evil. But I'm okay with that!!