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19 December 2011 @ 10:53 pm
Bulletproof Baby Blankets Chapter 23 - Even More Autocorrect Silliness  
Title: Even More Autocorrect Silliness
23nd in Bulletproof Baby Blanket Series
Paring: Steve/Danny
Word Count: ~1800
Genre: Established relationship, silliness, fluff
Rating: This part, PG-13 for language
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Summary: Stories of Steve and Danny and their life together. Including their children. (Not mpreg - not that there's anything wrong with that.) No particular order to the stories. I'll write and post them as my muses allow.

What it says on the label - more silliness of the autocorrect kind. Hope you enjoy!

On AO3

JohnWMc: Hey. I need more rain for my laptop.
ChinHoK: Water’s no good for computers, Bud.
JohnWMc: Right. Ram
ChinHoK: I can hook you up. With RAM not rain.
JohnWMc: Cool. Thanks.

EmmaWMc: Can me n Danno go 2 movies?
DannoWMc: May Danno and I go to the movies? Is that what you mean?
EmmaWMc: When did you transfer to the Grammar Police?
DannoWMc: Very funny. I don’t have time to go to the movies today.
EmmaWMc: I meant me and Dancy. Or Dancy and I.
DannoWMc: After school?
EmmaWMc: Yeah. We want to go see Butterfield 9.
DannoWMc: What is that rated?????
EmmaWMc: No. Wiat. Butterfly Fields. You know, the Disney movie.
DannoWMc: That’s fine. Be home by 9.
EmmaWMc: Roger that.

DannoWMc: You need to talk to your son tonight.
LtCSteveWMc: Which one?
DannoWMc: How many sons do you have, smart asterisk?
LtCSteveWMc: Maybe I have sons all over the globe. And you think my asterisk is intelligent?
DannoWMc: You only have 1 son. And he is still smarting off to his.
LtCSteveWMc: His what? Father? Sisters? Uncles? Teachers?
DannoWMc: Maybe. I guess you’ll find out when you tackle him.
LtCSteveWMc: I’d rather talk to him.
DannoWMc: Isn’t that what I said to start?
LtCSteveWMc: Maybe?
DannoWMc: I hate you so hard.
LtCSteveWMc: I know.

LtCSteveWMc: Can you stop at the grocery story?
DannoWMc: You need a happy ending?
LtCSteveWMc: Store. We need juice and Preparation H.
DannoWMc: Well. I guess your ending isn’t too happy.
LtCSteveWMc: Pampers. For the baby.
DannoWMc: Oh. That’s more improtant but not as interesting.
LtCSteveWMc: Keep it up and you’ll never need that other one again.
DannoWMc: I’m not having this conversation with you.
LtCSteveWMc: You just did. Please get Pampers for the baby.
DannoWMc: Only because you asked so nicely.

KonoKF: Hey Boss #2. Emma just called me.
DannoWMc: Everything okay?
KonoKF: I thikn so? Boy trouble?
DannoWMc: I am going to kill that puke.
KonoKF: That’s a little xtreme. Killing and name calling.
DannoWMc: Punk. Was she crying?
KonoKF: No. Plastered.
DannoWMc: OMG. Pls tell me she wasn’t drinking.
KonoKF: No no no. Pissed, not plastered. I don’t think you’ll have to deal with Sean. I’m pretty sure John took care of him.
DannoWMc: No violins, right?
KonoKF: No string section. A few well placed fists?
DannoWMc: So I should expect a call from his princess?
KonoKF: Not unless you are royalty and never told me.
DannoWMc: Principle.
KonoKF: Yeah. Without a doubt.
DannoWMc: Great. Thanks.
KonoKF: No problem.

DannoWMc: Are you suspenders?
JohnWMc: I’m more a belt guy myself.
DannoWMc: Don’t smart off with me. Are you suspended?
JohnWMc: Oh. You heard from Kono.
DannoWMc: Yes. Answer the queens, dammit.
JohnWMc: The queens are calling?
DannoWMc: You understand you are already in serious-ass toruble, right?
JohnWMc: I’m not suspended. I never hit him.
DannoWMc: That’s not what Kono said.
JohnWMc: I may have had worlds with Sean.
DannoWMc: Alien worlds?
JohnWMc: Words. Angry forcefield words.
DannoWMc: It’s best to have a forcefield around alien worlds. But you’re not in trouble?
JohnWMc: No. You can ask Emma.
DannoWMc: I plan to. Come striaght home.
JohnWMc: I know. I’m grounded forever.
DannoWMc: And possibly after that.
JohnWMc: Right. What else is knew?
JohnWMc: New.

DannoWMc: You are missing series Family drama.
LtCSteveWMc: You watching Lifetime TV again?
DannoWMc: Serious. Our family.
LtCSteveWMc: Do I want to know?
DannoWMc: Emma is mad at Sean. John yelled at him. Kono texted me. I texted John.
LtCSteveWMc: And I need to know this why?
DannoWMc: You’re their father.
LtCSteveWMc: I am? I had no idea Kono was my child too.
DannoWMc: Don’t brother coming home. I’m changing all the locks.
LtCSteveWMc: I don’t have a brother. I do have awesome Ninja skills. Locks are putty in my hands.
DannoWMc: Yeah I know.
LtCSteveWMc: I promise to listen to the Family Drama Series. And act appropriately symphony.
DannoWMc: You’re more a marching band kind of guy.
LtCSteveWMc: Yep
DannoWMc: Bring pizza.
LtCSteveWMc: Consider it done.

LtCSteveWMc: I need to be out of HQ tomorrow. At least for the morning
GovSD: That’s fine. Everything okay?
LtCSteveWMc: Danny’s been called to juice duty.
GovSD: Judging juices? Not pineapple I hope. LOL
LtCSteveWMc: Jury duty.
GovSD: He’ll be dismissed when they find out he’s a cop
LtCSteveWMc: Yes, sir. He tried calling but they said he had to repeat.
LtCSteveWMc: Report.
GovSD: Do you want to make a phone collar?
GovSD: Phone call?
LtCSteveWMc: No sir. He’ll serve his time until they realize he cant be on a jury.
GovSD: You watching the kids?
LtCSteveWMc: Yes sir. I think I’d rather be on jury duty. But don’t tell Danno
GovSD: Secret’s safe with me. Do you need Kono as backup?
LtCSteveWMc: Thanks. I have it handled.
GovSD: Let me know if you need anything. Like a time-out for oyu.
LtCSteveWMc: Appreciate it, sir.

DannoWMc: Tell me the trust.
LtCSteveWMc: What trust? A trust fund?
DannoWMc: Truth. Tell me the truth.
LtCSteveWMc: What are we talking about?
DannoWMc: Right. Blame dump
LtCSteveWMc: I’m not blaming anything especially not a dump. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
DannoWMc: Don’t play dumb! Where were you last night?
LtCSteveWMc: In bed with you?
DannoWMc: Right. You expect me to buy that?
LtCSteveWMc: Are you high? I’m calling you. What is wrong with you???
DannoWMc: OMG. I’m sorry.
LtCSteveWMc: WTF Danno???
DannoWMc: I thought you were John.
LtCSteveWMc: WTF?
DannoWMc: John didn’t come home last night.
LtCSteveWMc: Yes he did. He was asleep in his own bed when I got home.
DannoWMc: He wasn’t there this morning when I went to walk him up.
LtCSteveWMc: Walk him upstairs? What?
DannoWMc: Wake him up. At 7:00.
LtCSteveWMc: I took him to school, Danno. You were still asleep and I didn’t want to distribute you.
DannoWMc: Distribute me where?
LtCSteveWMc: Disturb you. Why are you mad at John? He didn’t do anything wrong.
DannoWMc: He wasn’t home when I went to bedlam. At 11:30.
LtCSteveWMc: Yes he was. Just because you were in the crazy house doesn’t mean John wasn’t home. He was asleep, in his own bed, at 10:00.
DannoWMc: Then he got up and left out. He wasn’t there at 11:30.
LtCSteveWMc: Okay. I’ll test him.
DannoWMc: I hope he passes.
LtCSteveWMc: Text
DannoWMc: Yeah, I got that. Let me know.
LtCSteveWMc: Roger that.

LtCSteveWMc: You are driving your father crazy just so you know.
JohnWMc: OMG What now?
LtCSteveWMc: He said you didn’t sleep at home last night.
JohnWMc: Yes I did.
LtCSteveWMc: He said you were gone at 11:30 when he came up to bed.
JohnWMc: That’s crazy talk. I went to sleep at 10:00ish. You saw me.
LtCSteveWMc: Did you leaf?
JohnWMc: What?
LtCSteveWMc: Leave. Did you leave the horse?
JohnWMc: What horse?
LtCSteveWMc: After you went to bed?
JohnWMc: Did I go horseback riding?
LtCSteveWMc: Were you in bed all night last night?
JohnWMc: Yes. Didn’t we already dissect this?
LtCSteveWMc: Danno’s going to dissect you if he finds out your lying.
JohnWMc: Seriously? Check the video, Dad. You’re the f-ing governor. I can hardly pee without the entire state knowing.
LtCSteveWMc: I will. Do you have any idea what will happen if I find out you’re lying.
JohnWMc: When have I ever lied to you?
LtCSteveWMc: There is that. I’m still checking the taps.
JohnWMc: For water? They all work.
LtCSteveWMc: Where are you right now?
JohnWMc: the sitting room. With Emma and Grace.
LtCSteveWMc: Stay there.
JohnWMc: You better believe it.

LtCSteveWMc: I checked the tpaes. John didn’t leave the house last night.
DannoWMc: Oh.
LtCSteveWMc: I think you owe him an approximate.
DannoWMc: An approximation of an apology?
LtCSteveWMc: Something like that.
DannoWMc: Okay. I’ll makeup and tell him I was wrong.
LtCSteveWMc: You don’t need makeup. You’re beautiful just the way you are.
DannoWMc: Man-up. But thanks anyway.
LtCSteveWMc: Anytime. I’m going to try to be hoe by 6:00.
DannoWMc: Don’t you have people to hoe for you?
LtCSteveWMc: Home.
DannoWMc: 6:00 today? That would be a reward.
LtCSteveWMc: For good behavior.
DannoWMc: Or a record for the earliest you’ve been home in the last month.
LtCSteveWMc: I never wanted to be grover. I still blame you.
DannoWMc: I know. You wanted to be Elmo. Maybe next life.
LtCSteveWMc: I hate you.
DannoWMc: Whatever. Get home.
LtCSteveWMc: Apologize to John.
DannoWMc: Of course, Elmo. Consider it done.

DannoWMc: Hey Elmo. I apologized to your son.
LtCSteveWMc: Thanks. What’d he say?
DannoWMc: IDK. I wasn’t listening.
LtCSteveWMc: Excellent parenting skills.
DannoWMc: Thx. I learned everything I know from Sesame Street.
LtCSteveWMc: Explains alot.
DannoWMc: Yep. You still be home at 6?
LtCSteveWMc: I’m leaving my officer now.
DannoWMc: You need to take Henry with you.
LtCSteveWMc: Office. Not officer.
DannoWMc: That’s okay then.
LtCSteveWMc: C u soon.

KonoKF: Hey Grover.
LtCSteveWMc: I am going to kill Danno.
KonoKF: Wait until we’re out of office. Easier to hide the crime.
LtCSteveWMc: There is that. What can I do for you, Assistant Grover?
KonoKF: That’s Lt. Grover to you. There is talk of a fund-raising ball for Halloween. How are you feeling about that?
LtCSteveWMc: OMG. WTF?
KonoKF: that’s not really an answer.
LtCSteveWMc: This Sebastian’s ideal?
KonoKF: His ideal would be for him to be Governor.
LtCSteveWMc: In his dreams. What do you want?
KonoKF: World peace, an end to hunger, and the perfect wave.
LtCSteveWMc: Okay. The Ball?
KonoKF: Could be fun. We could dress up all the kidneys.
LtCSteveWMc: Or the spleens. Maybe the intestines.
KonoKF: You are not right.
LtCSteveWMc: You want to have the Ball?
KonoKF: Yes
LtCSteveWMc: All right. I’ll do it for you.
KonoKF: Thanks, Bass. I’ll let him know.
LtCSteveWMc: Ben?
KonoKF: What?
LtCSteveWMc: Ben Bass?
KonoKF: Oh. No. Boss. I havent talked to Ben in severed ears.
LtCSteveWMc: What? I don’t know what that means.
KonoKF: Several years. His ears are right where they should be as far as I know.
LtCSteveWMc: Okay. Good.
KonoKF: I’ll let you know if I hear different.
LtCSteveWMc: You did not just go there.
KonoKF: Yeah. I’m afraid I did.

ChinHoK: Hey Princess.
EmmaWMc: Howzit?
ChinHoK: you know. What’s new by you?
EmmaWMc: Not a lot. You still coming to school tomorrow?
ChinHoK: You know it. I have some very cool gears to show off.
EmmaWMc: Did you motorcycle fall apart again? LOL
ChinHoK: Funny. I’ll demonstrate the handcuffs on you.
EmmaWMc: Dad taught me to escapade.
ChinHoK: Steve is an escapade all by himself.
EmmaWMc: You’re right about that. You’ll stay for lunch?
ChinHoK: Sure. Been too long since Ive had frozen fish stick-ups.
EmmaWMc: I’m pretty sure the food won’t try to rob you.
ChinHoK: Good to know.
EmmaWMc: Got to watch the tartar sauce, though.
ChinHoK: I hear that.
schnuffie: aJohn lolschnuffie on December 20th, 2011 08:44 am (UTC)
Are 6 dogs too many?tkeylasunset on December 20th, 2011 02:08 pm (UTC)
Love that reply!!! Thank you!
StarbucksSuestarbuckssue on December 20th, 2011 07:32 pm (UTC)
I just love these, they leave me in hysterics...thank you so much!
Are 6 dogs too many?: shadowstkeylasunset on December 21st, 2011 03:22 am (UTC)
thanks for letting me know you enjoyed them!! :-)
mikeysauntmikeysaunt on December 21st, 2011 02:58 am (UTC)
OMG - this was the funniest one yet - I'm so in love with these - and now I will always think Grover when I see Steve - I have just been falling down laughing all the way through this.
Are 6 dogs too many?: mcdannotkeylasunset on December 21st, 2011 03:23 am (UTC)
Thank you for the lovely comment. Glad you enjoyed them!
Ran: laugh Sheldon & Pennydark_oracle_ran on August 6th, 2013 05:43 pm (UTC)
Oh my god! I think I just died with laughter. :D This was just so brilliant. I just stumbled over this and it was brilliant. Thanks for making my day. :D